New State of Mind
by You'veGotMeAndJesus
Summary: Just a cute little one-shot based off of the song, "New State of Mind" by Matt Maher. Basically, this is Eli's speech/toast during his wedding reception. Enjoy (:


**Author's Note: Hey, guys! This is just a cute little one-shot idea I had based off of the song New State of Mind by Matt Maher. There is a section where Eli talks about Clare introducing him to God. This is taken from my first story, "My Boyfriend is Now my Brother." For those of you reading my current project, "To Save a Life: Degrassi Editon," I will try to have something new for you on that very soon. Thanks for reading and please review! (:  
**~**You'veGotMeAndJesus**

Elijah Goldsworthy was currently standing in front of hundreds of his closest family and friends, along with the family and friends of his new wife, Clare. The time had arrived for him to do his toast speech at his reception. When he first sat down to write out what he was going to say, it took him weeks to come up with it. Not unlike the many other things he had written over the years, he came up with a concept and was happy with it. However, Eli Goldsworthy could never leave well enough alone. After he came up with his original idea, he came up with a better one, and so on and so forth until he came up with the masterpiece that he was just about ready to say at this very moment. Also unlike the other things he'd written, even though he changed it many times, he just knew that this would be the finished product. And he knew that it would be something beautiful.

"Clare Edwards," he began. "How do I describe my unconditional, passionate love for Clare Dianne Edwards? Oh, excuse me. Clare Goldsworthy," he corrected, looking over at his new wife to see her beaming back at him at the name change. "Well, for starters, she's a lot like grace. Clare and I have been through so much together. We each had our crazy times before we met, especially me," he explained, which got a chuckle out of some of his family members, "but when we met each other, it was like both of our worlds turned into a constant whirlwind. My problems became her problems, and her problems became my problems. That wasn't really fair when you think about it. I got family problems, and she got dead ex-girlfriend/hoarder/bipolar problems.

"With these problems came challenges. Both of us had been hurt by significant others before, so both of us had to learn how to love and trust another human being again. Between the two of us, we have been through things that no one should ever have to go through, but we helped each other get through it together. Between the time period where my other girlfriend, Julia, died and going to Degrassi, I didn't know what to think of the world anymore. I thought I was a pretty good person, and so was Julia. I couldn't understand why this had to happen. I went into a dark place where I saw no value in myself or the world. Then I met Clare. Suddenly, without warning, everything started to change. I started to be happy again. I didn't know that was ever going to be possible again until I ran over those glasses of hers in the Degrassi parking lot. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here if not for her," he explained, getting slightly teary-eyed in the process. "She makes the world a better place just by being in it."

When I was seventeen years old, a sixteen-year-old Clare Edwards introduced me to the Lord. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was Julia's birthday and I was crawled up in a ball feeling completely worthless, alone, and at fault. The next thing I knew, Clare was kneeling by my bedside telling me that it wasn't my fault. She told me that it had to have happened for a reason. At first, I got offended. I thought she was completely crazy, and I didn't care. God was the last person I wanted to talk about. My response to her was that if God really did plan Julia's death, why would I want to follow a God like that? She explained to me that He put me through all of that in order to make me stronger in Him in the long run. She told me that if I asked God to forgive me of my sins, I could go to paradise. That day, I prayed to a God I wasn't entirely sure existed at that moment. I broke down the sins and inner feelings of my heart in prayer, and my life has never been the same since. Clare Edwards led me toward the greatest gift I could ever ask for that day…salvation. I can never thank her enough for being so patient, gentle, and most importantly, persistent. These are qualities you definitely need to possess to be around me for very long," he explained, getting a few more chuckles from his guests.

"Clare Goldsworthy is a lot like grace, but she is also a lot like mercy. I've done some pretty crazy things over the years. On multiple occasions, I've messed up the greatest thing I've ever had. Some of which I was aware of, some I wasn't. I mean, I crashed a car for this girl! There have been countless times in which I have mistreated her. I know with one hundred percent certainty that I do not deserve to have this beautiful woman as my wife. Whether it's forgetting to make dinner or forgetting our anniversary, this woman always forgives me. It's not just me though; she does this with everyone. She hates that she has this quality because she thinks it makes people walk all over her with certainty that they can get away with it, but it's one of my favorite things about her. She's been hurt in many different ways by many different people, but she always finds a way to put aside that selfish need of the flesh to hold on to anger and give people the forgiveness that they don't deserve. I have no doubt that it is because of God that she is able to do this.

"Sometimes, she even forgives me before I get the chance to apologize. That's another quality I love about her. She knows me so well that sometimes I don't even have to express things; she just knows. Of course there are things that I like to express on my own, but she gets the things that don't need to be said aloud. I can't get anything past her because she sees right through every facade I try to put up. No matter how much I try to push her away, she knows that I need her more than I need air to breathe.

"There are some things that I will never understand about Clare. I will never understand how she refuses to get out of bed on an odd number. I will never understand why she insists on getting physical copies of books from the library even though I got her a perfectly good e-reader for her birthday last year. I will never understand how she can mix catsup and mustard together. But most importantly, I will never understand why she loves me. After all, I was just a crazy, messed up teenager when we first met. Most people would have left me hanging out to dry, but not her. She never left my side unless it was completely necessary. Through all of my problems, that girl was my rock. Even when she found out I was crazy, she still stayed by me. I knew that because of my illness, and also just because of life in general, it wasn't always going to be easy for us. She knew it as well as I did, but that didn't matter to her. And now I'm just as crazy and messed up as an adult as I was back then. But guess what. It still doesn't matter to her.

It will forever be a mystery as to how she could love me, but I will always know why I love her. I love her because she's the most kind, sweet, generous, patient, wonderful, beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She makes me see the world in an entirely different light than I could have ever dreamed of. She gives me feelings that no other girl in the world could provide for me. Sure, we'll have our rough patches. Every married couple does. But I can only hope and pray that we will always be able to help each other get through the tough times as we have already done for each other. As long as she is there for me, I'll be there for her. I may even be there for her if she decides not to be there for me, but I pray to God she never puts me in that position. There is no one else for me but her. It's as simple as that.

In closing, I love this woman with all my heart. She has given me things that she may not even know she's given me, and I could never thank her enough for that. Before I met her, I was feeling like I had no purpose of being in this world, nor did I think this world had a purpose. But thanks to Clare Dianne Edwards, I'm walking around in a new state of mind.

**So, what did you think? Probably not my best work, but I really wanted to write something, but I didn't want to write for my multi-chapter story right at this moment. Let me know your opinions on it! (: **


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